How to Lose Your Life in 10 Ways (in Lowacherra National Park)

Cowritten with Joanna Robertson.

1. Giant Orb spiders, lethally venomous.

2. King Cobra.  (Saw one. Under Joanna's feet.  Froze.  Ran.)

3. Python.

4. A snake that bites only your head as it comes down out of trees.

5. Another snake that bites your head.

6. Coconut to the head.

7. Wild boars. (Heard one. Ran.)

8. Bandits. (Met one. Kinda.)

9. Shalwar Kameez. Actually, heat stroke (brought on by shalwar kameez). Restrictive, especially with the scarves that must be draped around your neck and chest to cover your "special pieces" as one local put it!

10. The beautiful yet irritable female Canadian tourist. Very rare in these parts. Legend has it that they can kill a man as fast (if not faster) than a snake bite to the head, particularly if said man is playing pranks involving spiders and snakes.